The hoochie coochie man was hanging out back waiting for a piece of pie but hanging wasn’t so easy he just couldn’t do it he promised his lame friends he would go to the movies to see Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, a pretty amazing movie, so is Clueless - I swear I’ve seen it at least 500 times, everyone makes fun of me for Clueless being my favorite movie but I’ve learned to...play with a pogo stick. “So don’t fuck with me, alright!” the 10 yr old boy said to his Dad. His dad took the pogo stick and beat him to a bloody pulp...where nothing was left. To have a life free from the worries and misery of a sorry punk like that.
My garage door is so annoying - it sticks everytime I try to open it and the lid is on way too tight so I go to the drawer to get a can opener but, wait I don’t have any kitchen utensils because that WHORE of a roommate who stole all of her pornos and drank all the cranberry juice until she was sick! Sick from the cranberry juice and sick from too much masterbation with funny objects sweet justations between the day of my birth and the conception of the master plan. The plan to destroy the entire fucking universe, but there was one fatal flaw.
There was a candle maker who sat on a stool and played with wax all day, until he made his 3 dozen daily candle assignment all the colors he had were blue green red until somebody gave him purple. He was so addicted to purple that was all he used from that day forward. Purple was the color and the pain was incredible but not to the point that I didn’t crave more of that elusive type of behavior, but that is what excites me. I can’t help it I am such a pervert, what should I do? I’m stumped so I pull out another Winston light to smoke and it gives me something to write about. Nothing. To write a 500 word essay about why people piss every morning when they wake up - was the assignment! It was something that could be summed up in three words they were sleeping.
One day, I was walking down the street and I ran into Dennis Woodruff and he said to me, “Hey how about a donut?” The supermodel in training slapped him upside the head and said. “Fuck No I want an eclair. The man picked up a donut and threw it at her and said. “We don’t have any eclairs or crullers because I have plenty of milk and I just need some thing to dunk in my coffee.” Where is a doughnut when you need one. Krispy Kremes are the best in bed, I’ve had 5 like that already. I’m tired, my fingers hurt like a carrot up the butt.
