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3 Stories (wb05_01) (adult)

I was woken up by a screaming trannie - she got jacked out of five dollars and 62 cents, it was all my heart was worth, a measly drop in the bucket compared to the millions I had invested, half my life in those gold mines. I’d lost my house twice, my wife and kids once, and now it looked like I was going to lose my lungs. Between heaven, hell and those mines, something was going to pay out or pay off my huge gambling debt. I was truly addicted to the Wheel of Fortune, Pat Sajak is petrified in my memory as a hero - he was my salvation when I was going through those awkward times for freaky people. Everyone was kinda put out, but the local pinheads got twisted the worst of all. Poor pointy headed fuckers. They painted Hollywood with the belief that Allah is great.

I’m eating an egg-salad sandwich, waiting for the Turk to come over and blow my brains out. A pretty shitty way to start the day if you ask me. To go to the Rite-Aid to get some beer. I was scared that the homeless would attack me so I made my wife go. Spanky monkeys have nothing on the show that is going on in my pants and she knew, and I knew, she knew I knew

And I know she knew. I knew she knew I knew. But neither of us reckoned her skinny kid brother knew too, he would eventually tell her mother that I tried on her underwear, that didn’t smell so sweet but it was fun to eat until her father noticed her missing ring lying beneath his bed. Confused, he debated confronting her with it - anticipating her lies he thought a bit more. A few minutes later, his face broke into a fierce smile as he pocketed the ring and left the house.

The light illuminated from behind the hillside like a monster in a Japanese horror movie playing in the background, it attracted my attention just long enough to make me realize the spores had come for me, I had been chosen, elected, certified, sanctified and thoroughly caffeinated! Faced with these odds, how could anyone blame Frederick for what he did. Surely no decent human being would stand idly by if found in the same shoes then it was going to require new socks. Not just any socks would do. They had to be super duper special socks. Crazy dazy hazy lazy socks!!! Socks that warmed feet before the little Asian man rubbed them like no other person in the world. “Did you hear me? Can you please respond to me?” A bolt of lightning struck too close for comfort - she had to find cover, some protect was all she needed, for a road trip cross country, all by herself. It wasn’t so much that she was afraid, but she did like to be prepared. Like, for instance, that time she found the dentures in her king cake. Oh, yes, I know it seems random, but not only did she predict it, she also had a special case in her purse to carry them. But the damned thing kept popping open. I wish to hell it would just stay closed. “Crap!” I yelled as the contents spilled out again.



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