I never believed that the stories in your magazine were true until last week. My neighbor is a beautiful and sexually active homosexual who desperately wants a supermodel body but the mentality of a flea, but you know that is alright with me. I could never do an intellectual superior up the butt. “Ouch-” but it was enough that the children were happy even if that meant that I would have to suffer. How much would the man milk be missed by the tribe? Who could say? Maybe the wino who constantly masturbated would know. How much semen she drank night after night. Finally I could pull out my rod, no one was watching. Little did I know that, Hodges McDink had no cleaned pipes, the pipes are calling, oh Johnny boy! Have you felt the heat of a car engine in summer? It’s time for you to take responsibility.Yes - now. I knew that it was time to get a new butt plug after that. Maybe I was wrong, or just maybe I was a genius!
Three little piggies pulled up a booth next to me, I was ready to set them straight in my view of tranquility the all-ness of the universe felt cool against my face. I was sure that yesterday was behind me. But tomorrow - who could say. Maybe I would get breast implants again. I had really liked having boobs the last time but I had barely left my room until I had them removed. After a week they grew back bigger than ever with huge puss-heads. Dick-nose, RAT-FUCKS. Eating up all my quality drama time, you know the time for me when I can spread my wings and shout, “Feel my mighty power! I am the Rat King!” After I put the pitchfork in his heart, I asked myself, if I was really pure. Maybe if I had more funky monkey sex more often it might be more clear to me. Oh well, I guess I could just massage her breasts until her hiccups stopped but she preferred peanut butter not just a little of the decadent butter but enough to fill the mouths of all the pooballs in the world.
I always fear the dark. In those times - every little movement of the planet makes me start awake again and I’m afraid of the hair and the skin and the joints. Man the joints are cool; elbows, knees, armpits, necks, etc. That reminds me of one of those gin joints you see on those old movies. Gangster movies always have one in them, an obese hairy Italian woman eating spagetti and red sauce. The salivation on my tongue lead to a very sticky situation. I expelled my spit - it hi her clit and that was when we were wed. Certainly, this was enough to keep a couple together? I asked myself if two mouthfuls of cum was enough to keep me satisfied for eternity - but the answer was elusive. As elusive as those “ironic hairs” that start to grow on your nose and ears about the same time you start to lose the hair on your head, and you will also lose all of your pubic hair which will be a shame because you will always look like a 12 year old boy. My grampa is eating out a nun -NO, NO that was what they taught me at camp. There are truths yet undiscovered and it is my time to uncover the secrets ‘cuz I’m the best damned con this world has ever known. And when I'm burning in hell, I’ll cheat the devil - and when you sleep - you’ll hear me laugh.