It was the best time there ever was. Nobody was ever unhappy except for when their toast burned. Then they thought the worst was upon them the face of evil had shown itself and they had dealt the final blow. He cleft the log into halves and spun around on his toe like a prima ballerina. “Aha!” He cried enthusiastically. “The mystery of the billy goat is solved!” He went on to explain that when one part salt is added to 2 parts methane - that a very explosive charge can be ignited. This leaves a blackened residue on the privates but is not too painful. Simply massage the affected parts in a vigorous manner making sure to keep the repetition until the redness and blisters fade to a healthy glow..”Thank goodness for the dog food, or we’ll all starve!” The remaining cans of puppy chow were handed out to the other survivors of the plane crash. Little Timmy asked, “Are we ever going to be rescued from this?”
There were 17 women who all lived together in a very small cottage. The cottage smelled of cheese and horseradish. Mostly, that was because the ladies all enjoyed a good meal of cheese and horseradish. But one day, the town was shocked to learn that the ladies had lost their panties. “Those were our finest quality panties!” they cried. Nothing but horseradish and succotash line the inside of our undergarments, we take pride in the fact that 100% american grown pigs are the finest breeds that we know of in this century. Scandinavian are the worst, of course, leaving too much gristle and bone in the sausage. Fortunately 6 Indonesian ponies lived nearby and they helped launch a new breed of super nipple men. The gods among mortals strode the lanes proudly, prominently displaying their smiles of satisfaction and contempt, It was hard to believe that the once puny lives of these mere mortal souls had left an indelible mark on the party of ladies.
In the beginning of time, hardly any life existed in the universe, it was the good luck of mankind that a duty - some call “god” happened to cough quite violently. The massive loogie that hurled through space and time because what we now know as Planet Earth. “We are here to subjugate your puny monkey brains!” The aliens proclaimed trom their flying saucers. It was hard to take their extraterrestrial threats too seriously though because they were shaped like giant lightbulbs filled with incandescent poo - It did shine bright and poor Billy was blinded when he did first look upon the wondrous light, almost to the point of blindness. “This is what I am talking about!” yelled Jesus. “Turn this bitch on and kick out the jams, motherfucker!” His breast swelled with pride and a golden ray of light shot down from the heavens large drops of golden urine began to fall. Everyone started running helter skelter, willy-nilly and even acted kinda silly. It was my first communion to the NEWRIGHT, and I knew I was right at home, they had smiled down upon the world. A book was written about the events that had transpired during that time, and lo - it was very good.
